Friday, October 6, 2017

So. It's been a while....



It's been over a year since my last post.  I've contemplated what to write many times, but just haven't been able to begin.  I am blogging from my phone and already quit twice because sheesh I am going to have to relearn how to do this too? 
My battle with mental health has taken a great deal of energy, and my physical health hasn't been stable either.  In October of last year I was referred to an internist to finally get to the bottom of the fatigue, pain, and digestive problems I've been coping with for years. Since that time I've seen a gynecologist, gastroenterologist, general surgeon, and psychiatrist. I developed anemia which was unresponsive to treatment with prescription supplements.  I had uterine ablation, and weeks of IV iron treatments. Multiple biopsies and hospital visits , coupled with exhaustion to the point I could barely walk around the house. I have celiac disease. 
So the treatment is a gluten-free diet. Unfortunately, the symptoms were dismissed for so long (19 years) that as a result of long term damage to my small intestines, I have multiple complications associated with celiac.  It affects your pancreas (hello, resistant to treatment diabetes), your spleen (constantly sick), your reproductive system (endometriosis-like symptoms), your gallbladder  (still being evaluated for gallbladder disease), skin conditions  (chronic boils and infections), osteoporosis, and ultimately your brain (balance and memory issues).
I also have bipolar disorder, was recently also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and have been struggling with depression and suicide.




I haven't been able to make cards. I've found an outlet in canvas, and I'm grateful for the tiny steps back to creating. The anxiety and depression have made me afraid to do most things, and the physical toll of recovery is overwhelming.  I miss my friends, but I'm unable to reach out. I miss going to the market, but I'm terrified to interact with groups of people. Even going to the grocery store is something that requires preparation and advance planning.  Going  for more than a few hours means bringing a bag with insulin, needles, blood testing equipment, and enough guaranteed gluten-free food to keep my sugar from dropping too low....and trust that the gluten-free food I order hasn't been cross contaminated. Even crumbs in the butter are enough to induce nasty gastro consequences. 
My sense of self is badly battered. I'm unable to remember things from day to day (sometimes even less than that). I can no longer focus well enough to read a book. I can read,  but more than a few chapters and I get confused and lose track. I lose my train of thought while speaking.  Words and art have been my life long solace, and I am struggling to regain those skills.
There's no shame in mental illness.  Intellectually I know that. The social struggle of explaining why I've become a hermit is daunting.  Sharing this is something I feel might help me continue to recover.  I joke that, for someone who continually wishes for her own death, I'm awfully conscientious about my diet and medications. I want to feel better.  I don't want to die, not truly. What I want is to feel comfortable in my own head. And maybe,  maybe,  telling all of you that I've spent so much time actively fighting to not kill myself will help.
Xoxo,
Jessi 

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Shopping our Stash #262 - A Stitch in Time...

Good morning! This week's Shopping our Stash challenge is right up my alley - stitching! Woot! I went with my recent obsession with random cross-stitching:


Supplies: From the Heart image & sentiment; Bo Bunny paper; Spectrum Noir markers; classic small oval Nesties; googly eyes; buttons from stash; Tim Holtz design ruler & embroidery supplies


Now usually I wouldn't put googly eyes on this birdie - his expression is just too perfect to cover up. However, I coloured his eyelids orange...and boo-booed onto his eyeball. At the end of colouring. Googly eyes to the rescue :)



Don't forget to check out what my talented team mates have created: 

Donna (off this week)


xoxo,

Jessi

Tuesday Morning Sketches #362 - A Day for Daisies!

Good morning! This week at Tuesday Morning Sketches we're sponsored by the lovely A Day for Daisies - be sure to check out the lovely images the design team featured.

Last week I went looking for a stamp set I KNEW WAS HERE SOMEWHERE and ended up finding a bunch of older paper pads while I was at it - mostly scraps but still "might come in handy/too pretty to recycle." You know the kind I mean. Since this week's sketch has a variety of layers and elements I decided to use only scraps to create - yes, even the large chevron pattern had the corner cut off!


Supplies: Papers all from Fancy Pants; Wplus9 banner die; unknown banner die; 1.5" circle punch; Neat & Tangled sentiment; Versamark & white EP; MME enamel dots

Here's the sketch - I adapted it to a vertical card, rather than rotating it - the chevron paper looked funny sideways :)


This challenge will be open until next Sunday,July 31 - hop on over & see what the rest of the team has made! 

xoxo,
Jessi


Saturday, July 23, 2016

Sisterhood of Snarky Stampers - R is for...


...resist! There are so many resist techniques, and the Sistahs have a great mix of old & new that we tried. I found a tutorial for Watercolour Lifting on Splitcoaststampers, which is like a reverse resist. (As a note, I found I needed a LOT of water for the colour lifting - instead of my water brush I used a regular paint brush and dish of water)


Supplies: Distress inks for background & watercolouring; Waltzingmouse sentiment; Ranger embossing ink & clear EP; wonky rectangles Nesties

Check out the amazing Sisterhood's creations -

And don't forget to leave some love for our guest designer, HELEN!
xoxo,
Jessi


Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Shopping our Stash #261 - You are Matchless!

We have a really fun challenge for you this week at Shopping our Stash - to create a matchbook or matchbox, any size or shape you like!  This was definitely a challenge for me, since I hadn't made one before (and this took a couple tries):


Supplies: paper from AC; everything else from stash

The box measures about 1 7/8" by 2.5" - perfect for a little trinket!


Don't forget to check out what my talented team mates have created: 

Donna (off this week)

xoxo,
Jessi


Tuesday Morning Sketches #361 - Di's Digis!

Good morning! Di's Digis is our sponsor this week at Tuesday Morning Sketches - there's a $12 voucher up for grabs to one of our players!


Supplies: Peacock Feathers distress ink; Flourishes cake stamp; sentiment from Reverse Confetti; papers from MME; button from stash

Debbie's designed a fabulous classic sketch for us this week - 


This challenge will be open until next Sunday,July 24 - hop on over & see what the rest of the team has made! 

xoxo,
Jessi


Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Shopping our Stash #260 - Get Inspired by Your Bedding!

Good morning! This week at Shopping our Stash we'd like you to get inspired by your bedding! I had quite the trouble getting going with this challenge, because we just don't have a pretty grown-up bedroom with matching things. However, what we DO have is a bed with messed up blankets, and cats and dog tucked in, and it's cozy as all get out. Plus there's a purple sheet on it right now....and thus:


Supplies: stamp from Stampers Anonymous (Tim Holtz); Palette Noir ink; Lil Inkers stitched rectangle die; Wilted Violet distress ink to watercolour; purple gems from stash

A plus? I used all the gems in the package!


Don't forget to check out what my talented team mates have created: 

Donna (off this week)

xoxo,
Jessi

Tuesday Morning Sketches #360 - Sami Stamps!

Good morning! This week at Tuesday Morning Sketches our sponsor is Sami Stamps, home to some incredibly sweet illustrations. And since the sketch was my design, of course I struggled with using it...always the way!



Supplies: Covered in Kitties digi from Sami Stamps; Spectrum Noir markers; unknown sentiment; Memento Tuxedo Black ink; Tim Holtz design ruler; WRMK embossing folder; buttons from stash; embroidery supplies




A close up of the embossing & vellum layer.

Here's the sketch:



This challenge will be open until next Sunday,July 17 - hop on over & see what the rest of the team has made! 

xoxo,
Jessi


Saturday, July 9, 2016

Sisterhood of Snarky Stampers - B is for...


Booze! (You kinda saw that coming, didn't you?) The Sisterhood (hic) would like to sheee yer boozy creashuns and yahhhh you should make the stufff. Whaddaya call that? 



Supplies: Image & sentiment from Bugaboo; Spectrum Noir markers; Liquid Pearls; Diamond Stickles; Mod Podge Dimensional Magic; black gems from dollarama 




Check out the amazing Sisterhood's creations -

And don't forget to leave some love for our guest designer, HELEN!
xoxo,
Jessi


Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Shopping our Stash #259 - Say WHAT???

This week at Shopping our Stash we want you to say something - with speech bubbles! Use a die cut, a stamp, or even freehand one :)


Supplies: Paper Smooches stamps; Palette Noir ink; distress inks for watercolouring; American Crafts papers; MME enamel dots; speech bubble die (unknown) 

This is one of those layouts where I was determined to use the leftover paper strips - the yellow paper had a fishtail cut out of one end, and I fiddled and fiddled with different papers from the same pad until I was finally (mildly) satisfied with the result ;) I'm super proud of myself for recycling those teensy triangles I cut off! lol

So what have YOU got to say?  come link up by Monday, July 11 :)

Don't forget to check out what my talented team mates have created: 

Donna (off this week)

xoxo,
Jessi